How to keep calm amidst… everything

Oops, it’s been a while! How many weeks has it been since my last Gratitude post?

(The “right” answer is: It doesn’t matter; what matters is that I’m right here, right now, and I’ve carved out a little space to take stock of the thoughts and feelings that are coming up for me…)

How have you been feeling? Overwhelmed, I bet. Most of the times these days, it seems that everything in the world is going to shit (or already has) - COVID-19 is still very much with us, Bangkok and Jakarta are rioting, climate change and deforestation are wiping out our beloved animals, winter is here. Let’s not even talk about what’s going on in the States. It’s really easy to get stuck in the endless spiral of doomscrolling through news apps and social media feeds, and it hasn’t been helpful for our mental health (mine included).

In recent times, I’ve decided to care less about “everything”, and focus on what I can actually can control, and on parts of my world where I can actually make a positive impact. Mark Manson calls this "the subtle art of not giving a fuck” (read this, if you haven’t), and I do agree that it is indeed a subtle art - it’s taken me a long time to distinguish between what I should give a fuck about, and what I shouldn’t. I still get triggered - upset, angry, irritated - by little things… but I find myself able to detach from such situations more easily now, with the help of journaling, meditation, and therapy.

This is going to be a strange post. I may or may not make sense, and I’m just allowing myself to ramble on. The ultimate goal is to get my thoughts out in writing - and I get to see, edit and reframe my perspective in real-time. This is what they call journaling. There is no fixed format, but what’s important is that you let out what’s been on your mind, and the simple act of doing that will make you feel better.

I usually do this just for myself, on Evernote, but I’ve decided to conduct an experiment today by sharing this “check-in” publicly. I normally do this every 2-3 weeks, and set aside about an hour to do so. In between, I spend 3 to 5 minutes checking in with myself in the mornings or at night, and I usually work in a mini gratitude practice in there as well.

I’ve found my journaling practice to be incredibly therapeutic. Sometimes, I discover thoughts and feelings that I never realised were there, and upon recognising them, I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Whether it’s related to the release of some positive or negative feelings, or finding a solution to something, I’m constantly surprised by the insights that arise through journaling. Sometimes, I simply start by listing “things I’ve done today” or “what I’m looking forward to” or “what I’m grateful for”, and go from there. It may not take you anywhere, but the most important part is to start.

Checking in with myself

It’s been an incredibly busy time, juggling my various life roles while staying calm…

• taking care of my clients’ needs at AB Tasty (I do have a day job btw, it helps pay the bills!)

• being a good partner, friend and daughter

• developing Calm Collective (it’s been such an exciting time!)

• all while taking care of my own mental health - getting enough rest (7-8 hours of sleep, please), sufficient exercise to reap the benefits of happy hormones (admittedly, I’ve fallen off track), eating relatively healthily, seeing my therapist and psychiatrist regularly

I would be lying if I said I don’t feel tired. The physical body and the mind has its limits, and I’ve definitely hit them on some days.

That said, I’m incredibly proud that I’ve managed to keep relatively well by…

• Intentionally setting aside time for rest: I sleep at least 7-8 hours a night, and make sure I have at least half a day to myself on weekends, and 2 weekday evenings to rest. As an introvert, I have to guard my me-time religiously. I’ve also taken regular off-days from work to rest, and do nothing.

• Saying “No” more often (this has been a difficult one for me, I’m a people pleaser by nature), and letting go of the the guilt I feel when I have to turn down or postpone a meeting/catch up when I’m tired

• Organising interesting field trips and outings to give myself something to look forward to, and to create shared experiences with people I care about: I’ve gone kayak fishing, done several hikes, visited the aquarium…

• Helping others with their mental health, through Calm Collective: The work we’ve been doing for Calm Collective has been incredibly fulfilling - from connecting with our speakers, listening to our audience, and collaborating with our partners.

Those are just some of the things that come to mind. Things haven’t been too bad.

Oh, and I’ve logged out of Facebook on my mobile phone, and turned off all my news notifications. I’ve been feeling way more peaceful these days.

Gratitude Practice

Today, I’m grateful for…

1. Chawanmushi - it’s so smooth and comforting

2. An amazing 30th birthday celebration: lovely company, great food, and full of very well-planned surprises!

3. Freshly washed sheets

4. Making my bed successfully (I still struggle with the duvet covers…)

5. Everything I’ve learned, and the wisdom I’ve gained, through the challenges I’ve faced. Painful at the time, but the journey was worthwhile.

6. Loving friends and family.

What are you grateful for today?