This question has been on my mind since I was 11 years old. That was the first time I’d read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (“42”? Really?). And that was the same year I experienced my first existential crisis.

We were on a family holiday in Chiangmai in 2001, and I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of isolation and insignificance. It hit me that there wasn’t really a point to “all of this”, and I simply couldn’t find, at that point in time, good enough motivation to keep living. I went up to top of the building, contemplated life for a bit, and... I don’t quite remember what happened after. At that point I still didn’t have any answers, but I’m so glad and grateful that I got through primary school and survived the PSLE (that’s another story).

Thinking back, there were several triggers and environmental factors, sure… I was casted out of my group of friends after the June holidays, mum and dad were really busy working, and 9-11 had recently happened. Pretty surreal too, since we had just stayed right by the World Trade Centre during our visit to New York just months before.

Since then, I’ve constantly revisited these questions…

What is the meaning of life?
And when times are hard, Why should we keep living?
And finally, when one has decided to say “yes” to life (or decide that death might not be that great an idea after all), How should I live?

Having faced multiple existential crises (usually following some event, or simply boredom) since 2001, and having grown quite tired of it, I’ve made it a mission to search for answers to these questions. I want to be able to live and experience life more fully, and more consciously. In doing so I have sought some truly respectable people whom I feel are doing this “life” thing well, spoken to religious and spiritual teachers, read many books, interviewed peers and family members, and most importantly, searched inside myself. It’s been 5 years since I’ve consciously started on this journey.

I hope to share what I’ve learned, and write more deeply about what I’ve found in the upcoming posts, but it will take some time to collect my thoughts. Till then, here’s a little quote from my favourite Indian yogi: